Sleep is surrender
You're probably familiar with the tips for improving your sleep. You mustn't do all
sorts of things — like drinking coffee and alcohol, staring at screens, and sleeping in.
Or you really SHOULD do certain things, like exercising more, keeping to a routine and
creating an optimal sleep environment.
There's certainly something in that: sticking to certain lifestyle rules can help you
sleep better. And yet I often hear from people struggling with sleep problems, “I follow
all the advice, but I still sleep just as badly.” Sound familiar? That's because one
essential step gets skipped — giving up your fight against insomnia!
The enemy
Wanting something very badly doesn't always mean you have to work incredibly hard for
it. As long as you keep viewing your insomnia as an enemy to be fought, your thinking
brain and your body stay switched to active mode. And sleep can never arrive in active
mode. Sleep is surrender… doing nothing. You can't force it. In fact, the harder you
try, the more difficult it becomes.
Surrender
Now your question might be, “How do I do that, surrender myself? Because I hate this
insomnia, I want to be rid of it!” Understandable!
So here are three tips that might help you:
1. Remember how the sleep process works
Sleep is an autonomous process. You surrender, let go of control, and by doing so signal
to your brain that it's safe. A switch flips in your brain, from active to off. You then
let yourself be carried into sleep. It happens by itself. Lucky people who always sleep
like a log at night say and experience, “You don't need to do anything for it.”
That autonomous sleep process can be disrupted, in anyone. By a major life event, a
disruption to your rhythm (jet lag), or a change of surroundings. By pressure at work,
or perhaps you no longer even know the cause. Such a disruption can recover by itself.
Fortunately, that does happen for a great many people. But not for everyone. Perhaps not
for you either?
In that case, an alarm goes off in our thinking brain: problem – not safe – solution
needed – immediate action needed. And so our brain helps us search for a solution to the
problem of not sleeping. That's how you end up with all those tips about what you should
and shouldn't do to sleep again. You're actively working on solving your sleep problem.
Very actively — you're really trying hard — because you'd much rather sleep than lie
awake.
2. Stop the fight
It's precisely because you're trying your absolute hardest — and working so actively on
the problem — that it persists. All that hard work actually keeps you awake and takes
you further from sleep. And further from the solution you want, because it's the exact
opposite of doing nothing. You want to learn to break that automatic response pattern to
your sleep problem. You want your brain to give the all-clear signal, even while you're
awake.
3. Accept that you're lying awake, and rest
Lying awake really isn't pleasant, but it isn't unsafe or threatening either. If you
accept that you're lying awake, and you rest, that brings you closer to surrender, and
so to sleep. That means daring to lie awake while your brain is probably screaming that
this isn't good, that you need to do something about this problem. And that you then
kindly reply, Dear thinking brain, thank you for this advice, but in this case I'm not
going to follow it. I'll stay calmly awake, because I have no control over sleep. Sleep
is surrender. I know that, and I accept it.
Give it a try, and discover whether these tips work for you too…
Irma Leijten
Sleep expert
sorts of things — like drinking coffee and alcohol, staring at screens, and sleeping in.
Or you really SHOULD do certain things, like exercising more, keeping to a routine and
creating an optimal sleep environment.
There's certainly something in that: sticking to certain lifestyle rules can help you
sleep better. And yet I often hear from people struggling with sleep problems, “I follow
all the advice, but I still sleep just as badly.” Sound familiar? That's because one
essential step gets skipped — giving up your fight against insomnia!
The enemy
Wanting something very badly doesn't always mean you have to work incredibly hard for
it. As long as you keep viewing your insomnia as an enemy to be fought, your thinking
brain and your body stay switched to active mode. And sleep can never arrive in active
mode. Sleep is surrender… doing nothing. You can't force it. In fact, the harder you
try, the more difficult it becomes.
Surrender
Now your question might be, “How do I do that, surrender myself? Because I hate this
insomnia, I want to be rid of it!” Understandable!
So here are three tips that might help you:
1. Remember how the sleep process works
Sleep is an autonomous process. You surrender, let go of control, and by doing so signal
to your brain that it's safe. A switch flips in your brain, from active to off. You then
let yourself be carried into sleep. It happens by itself. Lucky people who always sleep
like a log at night say and experience, “You don't need to do anything for it.”
That autonomous sleep process can be disrupted, in anyone. By a major life event, a
disruption to your rhythm (jet lag), or a change of surroundings. By pressure at work,
or perhaps you no longer even know the cause. Such a disruption can recover by itself.
Fortunately, that does happen for a great many people. But not for everyone. Perhaps not
for you either?
In that case, an alarm goes off in our thinking brain: problem – not safe – solution
needed – immediate action needed. And so our brain helps us search for a solution to the
problem of not sleeping. That's how you end up with all those tips about what you should
and shouldn't do to sleep again. You're actively working on solving your sleep problem.
Very actively — you're really trying hard — because you'd much rather sleep than lie
awake.
2. Stop the fight
It's precisely because you're trying your absolute hardest — and working so actively on
the problem — that it persists. All that hard work actually keeps you awake and takes
you further from sleep. And further from the solution you want, because it's the exact
opposite of doing nothing. You want to learn to break that automatic response pattern to
your sleep problem. You want your brain to give the all-clear signal, even while you're
awake.
3. Accept that you're lying awake, and rest
Lying awake really isn't pleasant, but it isn't unsafe or threatening either. If you
accept that you're lying awake, and you rest, that brings you closer to surrender, and
so to sleep. That means daring to lie awake while your brain is probably screaming that
this isn't good, that you need to do something about this problem. And that you then
kindly reply, Dear thinking brain, thank you for this advice, but in this case I'm not
going to follow it. I'll stay calmly awake, because I have no control over sleep. Sleep
is surrender. I know that, and I accept it.
Give it a try, and discover whether these tips work for you too…
Irma Leijten
Sleep expert