All the parents among us will surely recognise the phrase 'it's just a phase'. For me it works like a mantra that I repeat regularly whenever we're right in the middle of it. 'It's a phase – it's a phase – it's a phase….' This gives me hope that it will pass again too.

Sleep is stupid

At the moment we're in the 'I-don't-want-to-sleep phase'. Our daughter, who's nearly three, always used to go to bed without any trouble. She'd sometimes wake in the night, grab a cuddly toy, play with it for a bit and drift back off to sleep on her own. My own night's rest was lovely, with nights of 8 hours. But for the past couple of months, all hell has broken loose at home. From one day to the next she decided that sleep is no longer necessary and pulls out all the stops when it's time for bed. Since she can talk perfectly well, she's happy to tell us exactly what she thinks about sleep. Sleep is stupid, unnecessary, and it's far more fun with mummy. All thoughts that swirl through her head the moment she wakes up. Around one o'clock in the morning… resulting in loud screaming and crying. And she can keep this up for a good hour or two! Her own repeating thoughts keep her awake.

Fighting your thoughts

The first week was still manageable for me. But by the second week I was thoroughly frustrated. Whenever she started up again in the night, thoughts would surface in me that stirred up irritation and frustration. As a result, it happened more and more often that my daughter was fast asleep again, while I lay wide awake. And those thoughts just kept coming back. What can I do to get rid of this? Where has this suddenly come from? Ugh… I need to sleep now, because I've only got three hours left before the alarm goes off. Tomorrow I'll be shattered again and struggle to concentrate! I didn't accept the situation at all. That meant I drifted further and further away from sleep. My husband, on the other hand, slept perfectly well through the first few weeks. He trusted that it would blow over and didn't let it bother him.

Accepting instead of fighting = sleeping again

After a month and a half of very poor nights (read: 3-4 hours' sleep a night), something has changed. I've decided that it's 'just a phase' and that it will pass. Every time I get up in the night, I park all the thoughts I have about the situation and say my mantra: it's a phase – it's a phase. I've also stopped feeding my daughter's thoughts and behaviour, and I don't give her attention in the night when I put her back to bed. When I climb back into my own bed, I consciously feel the warmth of the duvet and focus on my breathing. I stop fighting all the thoughts and turn my attention to other things. I feel the tiredness of the broken night the next day, but I now trust that it's a phase and that it really will pass. And of course I'm only human, so some nights this works better than others. But I definitely notice the difference between fighting the situation and accepting it. And in this case, accepting works a lot better! In the end, this sleeplessness of mine is just a phase!